not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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