Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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