May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
