Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
