I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
