he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
