The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize