I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
