I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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