there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
