Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I cut my penus on the lid.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
