Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
