I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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