Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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