can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
