He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize