I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
