I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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