I bet he comes in French.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize