I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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