I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
