You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
