there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
