We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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