tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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