Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
