after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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