we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
