In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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