I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
