Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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