tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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