i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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