you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize