bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize