Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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