You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
