Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
