I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
