I've blown a few things in my day
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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