How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
