Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize