dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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