wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this just has baby written all over it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
