New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
