I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
