you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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