I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
