i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
