dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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