My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
zippers are such a cool invention
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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