So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
