Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
