i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
