I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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