brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
