3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
