She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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