mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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