I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
