I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
