My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
