it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Girls should come with a carfax report
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
