is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
