I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
